Life after Beth's passing

How we found spiritual meaning and a stronger connection to God through our pain

Life was never the same after Beth’s passing. My entire family — my parents, my siblings, and myself — were all traumatized. Our mother and little brother Matt (who was in eighth grade at the time) found Beth hanging in the hallway. Their pain is one that is difficult for anyone to imagine. We all received therapeutic support, but what we found most comforting and healing was our relationship with God and Jesus Christ.

Small miracles — and how our parents never truly leave us

On the day Beth died, my mother was suddenly overcome by a feeling of doom. Deep in her heart and gut, she felt something was terribly wrong. She was in the middle of her workday, but she knew Beth wasn’t sleeping well and felt compelled to leave early to check on her.

On her drive home, she experienced something extraordinary: she felt her own mother’s spirit in the car beside her, accompanied by the strong scent of her perfume. My grandmother had passed away about five years before Beth. My mother said it was unlike any spiritual encounter she had ever experienced — so powerful that it brought her to tears and forced her to pull over. The time was between 1 and 2 p.m.

At the very same time, my father was driving on the highway and happened to pass his own father’s grave. Though he loved and adored his father, he was not one to visit gravesites and had not been there since his father’s passing in 1977. Yet, that day in 2003, he felt drawn to stop. He went in, said a prayer for his family, and offered a special one for Beth. He picked a single blade of grass from the grave and tucked it into his pocket. The time was also between 1 and 2 p.m. Beth died just after 1 pm when my parent's both received visits from their parents. 

Meanwhile, my little brother — who was in eighth grade — was leaving school. Normally he rode the bus, but that day he felt a sudden gut feeling that something was wrong. For the first time ever, he ran all the way home. When he arrived, he found my mother desperately trying to get Beth down and helped her. He was sent by an army of angels to help my mother, even as young as 8th grade, he felt the pull of the Holy Spirit guiding him to help. 

Before the funeral, our family gathered privately at the funeral home to say our final goodbyes. My father pulled the blade of grass from his pocket as my mother and the six remaining children stood around Beth’s casket. He told us the story of how he had been at his father’s grave at the moment Beth died, and how he felt guided there by both his father and God the Father. He reminded us that we do not die but live forever with Jesus Christ.

It was absolute devastation for all of us from that moment on. But we had God, and we had hope. The only thing that carried us was knowing Beth was in heaven with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.

Beth in heaven

Our family is Catholic, and that night our priest, Father Pete, came to our home. I remember being devastated and asking him “why.” He didn’t have an answer, but he assured me that Beth was with God and that she was in heaven.

Beth was one of the kindest, sweetest, and most gentle people I have ever known. We all knew there was absolutely nothing in her that would have made her do this. We knew she was with God — and that this was not truly a suicide, but a drug-induced act caused by Paxil.

A week or so after Beth’s death, my brother took a photo out of her bedroom window. When we looked at it, we noticed something astonishing: in the clouds was the clear side profile of Beth’s face — her eyes, nose, chin, and even the flowered wreath above her head. 

We know in our hearts that Beth will live forever in heaven with Jesus and the angels and one day we will all meet again and that brings us great peace.

Our remaining siblings without Beth but we know she is with us in spirit!

Have you had a miracle happen in your life during a time of hardship?

Share you miracle story by please emailing Beth's sister

Carin Winter at [email protected]